I awoke at 3 AM on Friday. I always wake up at least once to use the bathroom now (I am a grandpa after all), but sleep eluded me after this one. At 4 AM my bladder forced me up again and I resigned myself to the fact that I would rest no more. Thoughts of my daughter’s imminent death, what to write in her obituary, and what to say at her memorial circled my mind like a tornado ripping through my skull. So I arose.

I took care of most of my regular routine. Allen Nelson called and talked to me, then another good friend and pastor, Phil Sessa reached out and prayed with me. I have prayed for many hours throughout my life and done so with innumerable men. But Phil called out to God with tears in his own eyes. The man who primarily led me to Christ came to the hospital and had fellowship with Erin and me the night before, my good friend Nate Samblanet. We talked and laughed and visited Bailey’s room. Then when Nate prayed for her he cried in a way I don’t remember seeing before.

It was a strange thing for me to have dry eyes at that moment. I told him I felt like I should be crying too. But all I could do was hold him as he begged God for mercy through his tears. You see, I had cried so hard on Wednesday that I wondered if I’d injured myself. My eyes hurt that night. The last two weeks have been alternatively crying and laughing, remembering and forgetting, sadness and joy, anger and humility. The one constant has been worship and faithfulness. We have not failed to remember our God and worship Him in spirit and truth.

We have not reviled Him nor railed against Him nor complained about His providence nor questioned His goodness. And it is truly by grace that I can say that.

By 7:30 AM I was overwhelmed with a desire to be with my daughter, worshiping by her side and pleading for her. I had committed to fasting* and praying until she died like David did with his baby in 2 Samuel 12.

Then he said, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, ‘Who knows, Yahweh may be gracious to me, that the child may live.’

I had two major things to overcome which I’ll tell you about (there were more than 2 in total). One of those things was doubt that God would save my daughter’s soul once her brain had been so damaged. The other was that due to our family situation and my prioritization of my wife’s desires, I hardly had time to be with my daughter at the hospital.

Long story short, I knew that it was not going to be possible for Bailey to call on the name of the Lord physically. According to the doctors, she could not even hear due to the brain damage. They can measure these things, and her cortex wasn’t registering much at all in relation to the external environment. She had become nothing much more than a brain stem which, with the help of a ventilator, automated bodily functions, sustaining earthly life.

But the same God who called light out of the darkness and created the world out of nothing isn’t limited by these things. I became convinced not only that God could choose to wash Bailey clean by the blood of the only lamb of God, Jesus Christ, but that the hand His sovereign hand had dealt us was specifically able to give us that hope. I could have asked any number of people to help me notify a social media world I’d abandoned about my daughter. I could have simply ignored social media altogether. But I asked Justin Peters who just so happens to have lots more followers than I realized. Suddenly it seemed like the whole world** was praying for Bailey. I became and still am very hopeful, against any demonstrable evidence, that God may have sovereignty elected her unto salvation before the foundation of the world, and His means to accomplish that was the humble prayers of His children around the globe for a girl most of them never knew.

The other challenge I faced was that I was always helping my dear bride get to the hospital, taking care of our younger children who, although they had fabulous childcare, needed at least one parent present, and working a bit in the mornings to save time off and continue getting a paycheck. But I had never just gotten to sit with Bailey and talk to her privately and read to her and pray with her. This was my chance. Through tears of sadness and resolve I busted into our bedroom (startling Erin awake for good 🙁 that day) and told her I’m leaving and to please support that. She did, of course.

Armed with my Bible and the indwelling Spirit of Christ, I got to OSU by about 8 AM. I continued my fast*, even avoiding water, and began reading scripture to her. I opened the book of John and read it to her. The nurse, Gayle, heard bunches of it and even commented on it to me. The custodian heard a chapter or two. I sang 6 or 7 psalms to her and prayed for long periods. I cried out as many tears as I could; partially that I may be more composed that evening and able to serve others. My wife, two older children, and mother and father-in-law would be there with Bailey as she died and I wanted to be strong for them.

There was more crying than I imagined that day. I am not embarrassed to say it, but I’m kind of a wailer when I cry. It’s LOUD. I no longer cared. The nurses shut Bailey’s door all the way for the first time though while I was there … visitors came in the afternoon and the rest of the day lacked the kind of privacy most parents would desire in those moments. But I had spent the entire morning at my daughter’s side and prayed for her and for those who will remain more than I even had prayed in one day in my life. I read a dozen psalms or so, laid my hands on Bailey, rubbed her feet, stroked her hair, kissed her head, and massaged her calves. It was a day of worship of God and calling on Him who is merciful to act on Bailey’s behalf.

By about 6 PM we did the honor walk where everyone stops to watch as Bailey was wheeled to the OR where she would be prepped for surgery. You see, after she was deceased she was expecting to donate her organs to help others. 8 of her organs were spoken for. People were waiting somewhere for a match and Bailey was a match for several potential recipients. But there is one thing that had to happen. When Bailey’s breathing tube was removed to allow her to die, she had to die within 60 minutes in order for her organs to be useful. In fact, I think her liver was unusable if she lived more than 20 minutes. Details aside, we understood this.

So we sat by her side as they removed her tube and her body started gasping for air. She was stronger than they expected and 23 minutes passed like it was nothing. She would not stop. It was the most horrifying thing I’ve ever witnessed. It made me hate death and sin even more, resolving me to greater faithfulness and holiness. But it was hard to watch too because a father’s instinct is to help his little girl, not watch her struggle. Thankfully, I do believe she was not only unable to feel pain or anxiety due to the brain damage but she was given plenty of help to ensure that was the case.

Proverbs 31

6 Give strong drink to him who is perishing,

And wine to those whose soul is bitter.

7 Let him drink and forget his poverty

And he will not remember his trouble any longer.

When 60 minutes passed there was a collective disappointment in the room. It was an emotional roller coaster between the natural parental idea of not wanting her to die, and knowing it was inevitable and had to occur in that window to help so many others. We were moved to a hallway and told they’d bring her back to her room where we could be with her that.

That wasn’t to be. She had her tube removed at about 7:04, then died at 8:19 while we were in the hallway. 15 minutes too late for her organs to be used. We watched as half a dozen doctors who expected a useful organ packed up their things. It was heartbreaking but blessed be the Lord who decides all these things.

They wheeled Bailey to us where she looked more peaceful and colorful than she had in a long time. We trust that God is the God of miracles, specifically the miracle of the new birth, so our hope is in His mercy and Goodness alone. We are thankful for His kindness throughout our circumstances and know that He will use Bailey’s life and death for His own glory and for that we are glad and confident.

Previous Posts

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3

Obituary

We will have more official obituary once the plans are finalized with the funeral home, but until then, here it is:

Bailey Alexis Coughlin (22) of Miamisburg, OH died at 8:19 PM on Friday, April 21, and met the Lord Jesus Christ after spending nearly two weeks on life support at OSU hospital. She is survived by her dear son, Kylen (2), her parents: Michael & Erin, her siblings: Nicholas (20), Allie (19), Wesley (9), and Michael Robert (6), and she leaves behind 6 grandparents: Mark & Fran Bailey (whom she was named after), Ron & Carol Shown, and Brian & Sandie O’Neil. She will be missed by her Uncle Mike & Aunt Mis, Uncle Dan & Aunt Jen, Uncle Kevin & Aunt Carlin, and numerous great aunts and uncles, along with her dear cousins Justin, Jake, Evan, Connor, Catherine, Thomas, and Rita May. Bailey was the type of person who could pick up any instrument and make music that was exceeded in beauty only by her sweet, infectious laugh.

A memorial will be held at Berean Baptist Church, 12985 Tollgate Rd, Pickerington, OH  43147 on Friday, April 28 at 11 AM with a service at noon and a reception lunch afterward.

All Posts

Read Part 1 
Read Part 2
Read Part 3
Read Part 4

* If you are concerned that I am in violation of Matthew 6:16-18 because I told you I fasted then I would be happy to help you understand that scripture. If you are interested in the discipline of fasting and the practical application thereof, I would love to tell you what I know and help you. It’s often misunderstood/misapplied.

** Just like when the phrase is used in the Bible, “the whole world” does not mean every person everywhere. 🙂 It refers to people from all over the world.

I apologize if you reached out to me and I just replied with a link to this post, or if you are just finding this out from a social media share. We are blessed with more people who love us and are reaching out to us than we can handle replying to. Praise God for that and forgive us for shooting you this form letter.

About Bailey

It is with great sadness that I share the news that Bailey’s life support devices will be removed Friday, April 21 6pm edt. The expectation is that she will not live on her own for even an hour. As she desired, after she is deceased, her organs will be used to help extend the earthly life of several people. As horrific as Bailey’s death is, we rejoice to know that she will help others and look forward, hopefully, to meeting these people who receive the necessary parts to sustain their lives.

We have wrestled with this decision with which Erin and I have been providentially presented since we first heard of her diagnosis. We do not take lightly that in the area of palliative care and organ harvesting that there is much evil in the world and many people have been murdered or assisted in self-murder through these processes. It is with a lot of prayer, a little fasting, and godly counsel that we have decided for certain that we are not assisting in or authorizing the breaking of God’s sixth commandment.

Someday I’d like to blog or podcast through the thought process. I take this utterly seriously.

One loving sister in the Lord actually reached out to us to ensure that we are aligned with God’s law. We recognize how hard that must be for someone to do, but her love for God and for us was greater than her fear of offending us, and that brings us great joy.

We are sure that people have prayed for us more than we can know in this life and are grateful for the many ways people have reached out. Each gift, text, card, call, or help is something we cherish. And we may never be able to truly thank everyone for that. So please take this as your thank you if you have served us!

Our life is a flurry of activity now: coordinating childcare for our younger boys, ministering to each other, funeral and cemetery plot shopping, and trying to keep up with my work a bit. We have had very little time for a lot of what we often take for granted. I have been encouraged by some healthy habits which my wife and I have taken on which are helping us through the physical difficulties of this trial.

I hope no one reads my words and thinks “He’s complaining.” I’m not complaining. Our God in the Heavens does all that He pleases and that includes His righteous decree of all things that come to pass. We rejoice to know that He is working all things for the good of His elect and know that even in our intense sadness He is truly our only anchor in the storm.

I will update again when there is time and something to update. Until then, consider that you, dear reader, will also one day face death. You don’t know when it will be, nor if you’ll have time to rethink things before it comes upon you. Are you washed in the blood of the spotless lamb, Jesus Christ? Are you fully resting on His work for your soul’s salvation? Or does God’s wrath abide on you still? Come to Christ for the forgiveness of sins today. He is faithful and just to forgive and cleanse everyone who calls on Him.

How You Can Help

We appreciate your continued prayer for us as we go through this. Practical needs arise daily but aren’t always predictable. My brother came and did yardwork today for me. An abolitionist friend Laura is doing some housecleaning. My ex-wife is bringing my mom to see Bailey. Everyone in our lives has been supportive locally and the Christian community around the world even has reached out with messages and prayer to our Great God.

Click here to read Part 4

All Posts

Read Part 1 
Read Part 2
Read Part 3
Read Part 4

The outpouring of love and support that we’ve received since Bailey went into the hospital is evidence of the overwhelming kindness of our merciful savior Jesus Christ. A consequence of that is that many more people desire updates than we have time to give personally. Thus, I thought it necessary to document as best as possible what is going on with our daughter for ease of sharing with concerned friends. Please understand how grateful we are for your love and support. The texts and calls and donations and offers of help have meant more to us than you will ever know in this life. And forgive me if this seems impersonal to you. I mean no offense.

I am going to try to provide an update on Bailey’s status, some history, and many examples of God’s wonderful providence on display throughout this whole trial.

Bailey’s Update

Today is Tuesday, April 11, 2023. As of now, here is Bailey’s status. She is in the ICU at THE Ohio Status University Hospital and is under heavy sedation. Due to damage done to her brain, she was having seizures which have gotten under control with medicines, but those are bad signs. She went some period without breathing and the loss of oxygen to the brain has a disastrous effect.

Her brain is not doing the bare minimum things that brains do even without conscious thought. There’s a system that is (at least commonly) called the autonomic nervous system. Think of this as the part of the brain that handles things you don’t think about. Reflexes like gagging and pupil dilation. Digestion. Reacting to pain. Even breathing. The beauty and awe of these systems are evidence of how fearfully and wonderfully made we are by God.

Her brain is not doing all of these things on its own now. The further extent of her brain damage is unknown, and somewhat irrelevant if she doesn’t show that she can do these things.

This happens when your brain is deprived of oxygen. When she went into cardiac arrest on Easter morning, her brain stopped getting oxygen for an indeterminate amount of time. Thus, the plan is to slowly wean her off the sedation and seizure medicines and then watch and see if her brain takes over. After that, we’ll know more about what her future holds.

But the doctor we talked to today isn’t hopeful based on what the tests are showing. It sounds like there’s very little indication that Bailey may ever even breathe on her own, and, even if she does, she may never regain cognitive functions. We don’t know yet. But I want to remind you that where human research and wisdom are limited, God’s providential power to do whatsoever He pleases is not limited.

So, although God hasn’t promised physical healing to Bailey in His revealed Word, it is a good and right prayer to cry out to Him for physical healing for Bailey, and it is within the realm of His power to do so. Please keep praying for her.

We are facing some possibilities of decisions we’ll have to make which are normally only ethical dilemmas presented in philosophy classes. Pray we have God’s wisdom in the matter.

Some History

A lot of you may realize that you don’t know much about me or my family. This isn’t an intentional attempt to hide anything, but my wife and I were saved from situations where writing about or publicizing personal matters could be hurtful to people who may not want their dirty laundry aired. How do I put this exactly? What I am trying to say is that we are surrounded by people who have done some terrible things to us and out of concern for protecting their reputations and being cautious about gossip, I don’t always make public things that have been done to our family.

One day everything will be brought to light, and whether I’m the revealer of some of these things or not, I do not know. So I am going to reveal some things which previously had been kept private in the hope that sharing them helps others to avoid some pain.

There is a lot more history to share about Bailey, but for now, let me say that Bailey is a very troubled young lady. She is in the ICU as a direct result of the unwise choices she has made. She abused drugs and alcohol and it may be that it directly results in her death. We are dealing with conversations now where we are being prepared to think about “pulling the plug.” I don’t want to unnecessarily disparage my daughter, but I also want her situation to be a warning to others.

The end is not as glamorous as the parties.

No one has stopped by and said, “Hi, I used to party with your daughter and wanted to see how she is.”

It’s desperately sad. And I’ve revealed very little of the depth of this.

She’s Adopted

One thing that needs to be clarified is that I adopted Bailey. I know people don’t mean harm by the things they say sometimes, but to be clear she is not my step-daughter, nor is she Erin’s daughter (to the exclusion of being MY daughter). I don’t take it personally when people clarify this truth, because yes, I am not blood-related to Bailey and that’s a distinction that can be made for the sake of accuracy. But I am sure I speak for all adopted people and parents who have adopted people when I say she is MY DAUGHTER just like a girl you yourself gave birth to is yours. Bailey is as much my daughter as she is Erin’s.

Remarkable Providence

Phil Johnson preached what is still my go-to sermon to review regularly and point others to when I want to help them understand how, as cessationists, we are more certain of God’s involvement in our daily lives than even your most charismatic friend. I highly recommend it to you. In fact, I stole his title for this blog post…it’s such a good title!

For this post, I want to share how God has put his providence on display to us through this situation. God’s providence is his most holy, wise, and powerful preserving and governing all of his creatures and all their actions. He is in constant and perfectly detailed control at all times. His providence is most recognized in the “normal” everyday occurrences of life that we most commonly refer to as coincidences or serendipity.

But to the Christian who knows the One true God of the universe, everything is predetermined by Him and there is nothing that is outside His ordination. There is comfort in knowing this, and once in awhile, God gives us glimpses of how our circumstances are truly ordained for the good of His elect and His glory by letting us see a good result even during a trial by fire.

Our Friend Tom

When Bailey was taken to the hospital, instead of being in Dayton where she lived, she was in Marysville at the time of her cardiac arrest. Then she was transferred to the Ohio State University in Columbus where her mother and I live. On Sunday, when Erin went to be with her, I said, “You should text Sue and find out if Tom is working today. He might be able to stop by.” Our Christian friend Tom is an RN at the hospital and not only was he working but he said he was “only 100 feet and a flight of stairs away.” He came to visit multiple times which was supremely comforting as I could not be at the hospital with my wife and daughter until Tuesday.

In fact, in another remarkable work of providence, my typing was interrupted by Tom coming to visit us just now. What a dear friend and what a merciful God we serve. We had a great conversation just now.

God worked out this little detail which stuck out big to us as a work of his kindness. How many more things is He doing we won’t recognize or see because of our own sinful view of the world or our own bad theology of His control.

A Pastor in Texas

Half a year ago I consulted with a dear pastor named Jonathan Murdock in Texas regarding some help I needed with a church situation. Our conversation was brief, but I felt like we made a friendship due to the power of the Holy Spirit and the unity we share in Christ. We didn’t stay in touch afterward, but his name made it into my contacts.

When this whole ordeal began, one of the complications was that I rushed out of bed to Bailey’s boyfriend’s house so I could pick up her almost 2-year-old son, my grandson before children’s services took him. Now Kylen has been living in Atlanta with his paternal grandmother for most of his life anyway, so when grandma contacted me and said she’d be happy to take him so that he could be with family while we minister to Bailey, I was very grateful.

Except children’s services had other ideas. When I picked him up, I effectively took custody of his, so when I was on my way to meet Ky’s grandmother in northern Tennessee on Monday morning, CPS called me and told me that I could not take him out of the state to leave him in her care. There’s a longer story, but they were just trying to do their job and follow the law and meant no harm. But it was while this was happening that I got a text message from Jonathan Murdock telling me that “if there was anything he could do that I should not hesitate to ask.”

Since I believe that the prayers of a righteous man are effective, and in God’s providence he put Jonathan at the top of my Messages app at that time, I decide to ask him to pray about that specific situation with CPS. He did, and after a few hours, the children’s services called me and said I was approved to give the baby to his grandmother and the case was closed. What had been a stressful circumstance was worked out by God even through the providence of His praying saints.

Throughout the dealings with child protective services, I was tempted to sin by anger, rudeness, harshness, frustration, and impatience. But God delivered me from those temptations and made my words kind and gentle with the State of Ohio. I don’t know if that affected their decision, but it had the effect of a clear conscience for me and that’s worth more than pearls.

A Shoutout to Joella’s and an Exhortation to the Church

There is a pithy quote about treating people well because you don’t know what they are going through that day. I know some quotes are trite, but there’s some truth to how you can make or break someone’s day without knowing it.

One of my favorite restaurants in southern Ohio and Kentucky is a little place called Joella’s Hot Chicken. I decided to go there for dinner on my way home Monday, because, why not? I was with my 6 year old son who had been in the car since 7:15 AM and wanted to just rest and talk to him.

What was a marvelous kindness of God is that the staff was so friendly and helpful that it nearly brought me to tears. I wanted to tell them, “You have no idea how much your kindness means to me. I’m driving home after what’s been a 12-hour day and having my first meal at 7PM. My day entailed giving away one of my favorite people to his grandma so that I could hurry home to be at my bride’s side and my daughter’s bedside while she appears to be dying.”

And simply being kind and patient with me at the restaurant meant so much. It’s convicting too. I’m convicted that I want to be that kind of person for others and I have failed in that area many times. I’m also convicted of how many times someone has asked me to pray and I didn’t pray or continue in prayer.

I’m so grateful for the prayers of the saints at this time and I can’t count how many times I’ve scrolled right past a prayer request like my own and simply didn’t even stop to read it. Or I prayed but didn’t pray fervently or continually. Jesus is truly kind to preserve a failure like me. Praise His name.

I will try to post more updates as we get news.

We appreciate the support that has come in so many ways. Thank you.

Click here to read Part 2

All Posts

Read Part 1 
Read Part 2
Read Part 3
Read Part 4

A Way to Spend Your Stimulus

A dear brother in the Lord Jesus Christ asked for suggestions as to how he could spend his stimulus. Here are a few suggestions as to how you can use your stimulus to advance the preaching of the gospel and support those who do. Just click the highlighted/underlined text to go to the page.

• Bobby McCreery of To The End of The Earth Ministries is a father of 4 and a devoted husband. He faithfully preaches Christ in Georgia.
• Jaycen Saab is a dearly beloved brother, husband, and father who preaches the gospel with Appalachia Cry.
• Ryan Denton of Christ in the Wild—a husband and father—is a faithful minister of the gospel.
• Mike Stockwell of Cross Country Evangelism travels the world dispensing the gospel wherever he goes.
• You can support my ministry of blogging and preaching with a donation or you can purchase something from my wishlist.

I hope you’ll consider donating to some or all of these ministries.

Philippians 4:17 ESV  Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that increases to your credit.

For OSU games the evangelism begins 3.5 hours before the time listed unless otherwise noted.

2023 Events

If you are interested in joining our group, read this and then email me at mac (at) michaelcoughlin.net.

September

September 9, NOON – YSU @ OSU

September 16, 4PM – WKU @ OSU

October

October 7, 1pm – Maryland @ OSU

October 21, 1pm – PSU @ OSU

November

November 11, MSU @ OSU

November 18, Minnesota @ OSU

November 25, OSU @ TTUN (maybe?)

December

December 2, OSU vs TBD, Lucas Oil Stadium